Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Exorcism

Preseason hockey clinics started last night for my son. Much to my surprise he was terrified about the whole thing. Trembling lips and verge of tears terrified. After several attempts he couldn't explain to me why he was so afraid. It's so frustrating for kids - they feel emotions but lack the vocabulary or the comprehension to explain them. The why eludes them. It's especially frustrating for my son who sees his inability to articulate his feelings as another imperfection. It's tough to be perfect - he still hasn't figured out that it's ok to not be perfect.

But I knew the reason. The why doesn't elude me so easily as it does my son. We've been down this path before. It's a beast he should know very well by now as he's had to confront it several times. Performance anxiety. The beast that undermines. An especially subtle and wicked beast. A beast that once confronted, shape shifts and comes at you again. And again.

I hate this beast with all my heart and soul. I hate it more because it has my son who still can't quite figure out how to grapple with it. How to recognize and trivialize it. As a child he still hasn't yet developed the weapons required to exorcise his demons. One day he'll understand why I won't let him run away and hide. He'll understand that by exercising this demon he'll also exorcise his demon. He'll know that we're building his arsenal. If he doesn't learn this the beast will dominate every decision he'll make for the rest of his life. He'll relinquish control to fear instead of self.

I've posted on this topic before - it's a recurring theme in all of our lives and the lesson to be learned from it remains the same. Be prepared to exercise your fears or be prepared to be exercised by them. God gave you free will - the biggest weapon in your arsenal. Use it to choose to confront the beast and become the driver, because if you don't you'll become the passenger. The ride is much better when you're the driver.



Workout Summary
  • 1800 yd swim - mixed tempo and form (morning)
  • 15 mile bike - mixed tempo and easy (morning)
  • 5 mile run - tempo (morning)
  • 30 minutes core/circuit/stretching
  • 22 mile bike - long intervals (afternoon)
  • 3.6 mile - Z4/Z5 (afternoon)

    Legs are still feeling pretty heavy from the Dairyland Dare, but was able to slog my way through while maintaining decent form. I've decided to cut down my bike mileage a bit to make more room in the mornings for running - the NY marathon is now under three months a way so I need to shift focus a bit. Went ahead and did a double today - will continue doing that for a while as it seems to be working well for me.
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