Before the first practice last night he said he didn't want to go. He came up with a few excuses. So I countered with logic. Each excuse offered up was picked apart and crumbled under the weight of my logical scrutiny. I'm a software applications developer so I've got some big time logic in my guns. Dissecting the excuses always reveals the underlying problem. Logic is my friend here. The underlying problem was fear.
Fear is often a multidimensional beast. It is often very complex to identify and even harder to confront. It's the real why behind the can't. It is the random excuse generator. It is often rooted in the very core of our being. My son's fear is often rooted in his perfectionism. He also doesn't deal well with change and unpredictability. He doesn't like change because he can't predict what will happen and thus can't be perfect. He knows that in uncertainty there is great opportunity to make mistakes.
I've learned that in uncertainty there is definitely many opportunities to make mistakes. I've also learned that in uncertainty there is tremendous opportunity to grow and develop. Growth is often a painful experience. Pain is something we instinctively try to resist. But in triathlon we learn that pain is often necessary component of growth. Your legs hurt after a 6 mile run. The following week you do 8 miles - more pain. The following week you do 10 miles - even more pain. Then you go back and do a 6 mile run and it feels like 3. Growth.
Progress through pain. This is my formula for dealing with fear. Identify it. Careful - it's slippery and sometimes difficult to properly identify. Confront it. It's painful. Push through it. It hurts. Push anyways. Grow. Some fears you will not conquer. The more close it is to the core of your being the harder it will be. But you need to exercise your fear like you exercise your body. By exercising it you will minimize it's controlling affect on you. If you don't it will control you. You will miss out. You will regret.
My son skated reluctantly on the ice. His fear fought hard to control him. Physically this manifested as tears that he tried to hide. It broke my heart but I knew it was necessary. He pushed through. On the ice he made a couple of new friends. He did absolutely great in practice. The coaches were very impressed and told him so. After practice he was a little more energetic and excited than usual. Growth. The next time he will be a little afraid, but now it will be easier to push through. He has more control.
I often tell my son that being brave does not mean that you are not afraid. Instead being brave means doing something even though you are afraid of it. Be brave. Be very, very brave.
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